I am going to write about a few keys that I have gained throughout living my Catholic faith. From the very first moment I realized that I spoke and God answered. That moment of realization has been the biggest grace in my life, because it was the first key to open the door to a new life. These keys are still major points in living my Catholic faith, and still continue to help in shaping me as a child of God. I didn't suddenly know that I was His daughter and instantly stop doing bad things, and thinking bad thoughts, because I didn't know that some of the things I was doing and saying were actually bad. I knew some of what I was doing had consequences that could be seen physically and it was something that others could talk about, but I didn't think of the spiritual damage that I was doing to myself. When I realized that there was something more, I questioned it. Questions like, "Is this what God really wants?" and "Why would God let this happen?" I was never mad at God, but I didn't trust Him back then, as much as I do now. Everything has become a thanksgiving to God, because after all I've questioned, He didn't say, "I gave her SO many chances to trust me! And still she doesn't," and leave me be. Instead, He answered every question and prayer. In studying and praying, these keys have helped me in healing, forgiving, and loving, all with pure intentions. The first step I took in accepting these keys is through prayer. Before deciding anything major, I used to think of the pros and cons, but now I pray, because God is the only choice.
The first key I've learned, and still am learning about, is my identity. I'm not a mom first, I'm not my parent's daughter first, I'm not a sister, aunt, or friend first. I am God's daughter first.
Jeremiah 1:5 "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you."
In realizing my true identity as God's daughter, I've become a better mom, daughter, sister, aunt, and friend, because I was once selfish, spoiled, and thought my parents had to do everything for me. I used to talk back to my mom and steal from her; and I used to blame things on my dad. After learning and living my Catholic faith, God became my strength to let go of everything that was holding me back, so I could accept the grace as His daughter. I don't believe that I've become a different person, I believe I was living as a different person before I accepted His grace, because grace cannot be created or faked, and it's God's life in us. I still struggle with disobeying my parents, but I immediately pray for God to change what is making me feel that way. For me, the change has always been a process. I have something to deal with, an issue I never let go of, and that affects how I handle and react to certain people and things. I now know that the only way to raise my boy is on a foundation build on God and His Word. I can't preach to my boy, and then live something different. I am the person he looks up to during good and bad times. I want him to see a child of God, because that's what I want him to be. There are moments when it's hard to explain, but I pray that how I speak to my son is the way God wants him to hear it, especially when he sees and knows what others do and it's something that we don't. Like when we clean the ditches around our housing, and we're the only ones, he once asked, "Why do we have to clean all this up? We didn't throw all this trash here." I said, "We clean because we love God, but God loved us first, so that's why we live on earth. God created earth before us, and He created earth to be beautiful. Since we love God, we help keep the earth clean, and we can't clean the whole thing by ourselves, but we do what we can where we are. There's people all over the world doing the same, and even more."
Secondly, I don't get to pick what to believe, in my Catholic faith. That's been tough sometimes. I've only been living my Catholic faith for a little over four years, and I've been challenged so many times. First it was because I chose not to do some things and then it was because I stopped doing what I used to, and I slowly lost my friends. I was called names like "Jesus Freak," and I don't mind that name at all. I've been mocked too. I heard it about our priests first, and it happened a couple years ago, maybe three, during a family gathering. After finding out that I was going to the Catholic church, I was sitting with my family and someone asks me, "So does your priest touch you? That's what I hear, that priests touch kids." I said, "No!" and left the table. I was really surprised and shocked to hear that question. It made me mad too. Now my boy says that he wants to be a priest. I said, "Well, that's good, but don't worry about it because I want you to enjoy being a boy. And if that's the will of God for you, then some day you will be a priest." I also hear it about the bible and that Catholics have too many rules. The first year I began living and learning my Catholic faith, I was amazed to see and be apart of all the rich and beautiful traditions. Everything said and done in the mass, and with everything I've studied about in the Catholic church, has meaning that comes from Jesus Christ. The meaning is more than saying we're saved by the redemption that comes through Jesus Christ; it gives meaning to everything we do - seen and unseen. Every mass and Holy Day that I've went to mass for has helped me to become God's daughter. Even in confession, I felt so bad for what I had done and I was expecting a, "Tsk, tsk." in confession (I don't know why, because I've never heard that ever.) but when I confessed, He told me, "God thanks you for this beautiful confession," and I was given peace. After every challenge, my relationship with God becomes stronger, and every challenge has only inspired me to learn more about Catholicism. Now I know where I stand in the world, Who I stand for, and I know that I'm not alone, because God is with me.
Matthew 16:24-25 "Then Jesus said to his disciples, "Whoever wishes to come after me must deny himself, take up his cross, and follow me. For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it."
My third key is accepting God's will. I'm more accepting of what comes into my life, because it's all from God and what He allows. I was always questioning myself, everyone around me, and I questioned my life. Why am I living? I was uncertain about decisions and I worried a lot. But now, I'm more confident in myself and in making decisions. I know that even in making the wrong decision, it's also an opportunity to know and do God's will. It's not a straight path laid out for me to follow. I learned to trust God. It's learning to discern what's good and what's not, based on God and His Word. Only through prayer and silence can we speak and listen to God. It's our choice to make time, pray, and choose silence to listen to God. He is always with us, but we're always distracted by what we have to do, get done, and by a deadline. If you make time, God will make Himself known in what ever way that is needed for you. The more we do it, the more we ask the Holy Spirit to guide us, the more the Spirit does make His guidance known also. I thought my evenings needed something more and I thought it might be a second job. So I applied at four places, gas stations and a couple stores, but I was never hired. I knew I had to do something, and within a couple months God had placed these requests in front of me, so I followed them. One is a bible and prayer group every Thursday, and one of my friends asked me to go to the RCIA classes, so I'm going every Tuesday evening. Every evening I read my catechism, bible, or watch videos about Catholicism and I've also began teaching myself to make rosaries, and I think that's for something else God wants me to do; but the point is God does make His will known, but we have to be still enough to listen.
Psalm 46:11 "Be still and know that I am God!"
Lastly, having a devotion to the Blessed Virgin Mary is important. When I first began learning and living my faith, I didn't think it mattered if I did or not, but I became aware of it, more and more, through scripture especially, of how important it is to have a devotion to the Blessed Virgin Mary. The Blessed Virgin Mary first accepts the will of God as the handmaid of the Lord, to be the mother of Jesus Christ, and she knows she will be persecuted because she is not yet married. When Jesus is born, he's born in a stable, and then they are told to flee. Mary didn't give up on the will of God through every persecution. Even when Jesus was being persecuted, she didn't ever say to stop, or to give up. But she did say, "Do whatever He tells you." (John 2:5) In studying, and through the saints, I've learned that they've all had a deep love and devotion for the Blessed Virgin Mary, and she has only lead them to a more deeper love and relationship with Jesus. Just as I was studying about Mary, one of my friends gave me a website to go to and told me that I could order a free book from there. So I did, and it's a do-it-yourself retreat for Marian Consecration. So on February 11th of this year, I consecrated myself to Jesus through Mary, on the feast day of Our Lady of Lourdes. From the Blessed Virgin Mary we learn to be obedient, humble, and faithful.
These keys have opened many doors for me, especially to know, love, and serve God. They weren't just handed to me, but they are gifts as my relationship and trust in God grows. They help me in serving God where ever I am and in every person I meet. They are gifts that no one can take away. More than they are for me, they are for others. Sometimes there are hard times, dark times, lonely times, and those times can last for a long time! During those times, pray more than ever. Learn to give it to God and trust Him, because those times will end. Those times are opportunities for spiritual growth.
Thank you - God bless you!
