God is simply amazing, even when we are confused in our thoughts and souls. Even when our thoughts are so polluted that we can't sleep. Even when we have our backs turned to Him, wondering where He is. Even when we don't believe that He is a loving and merciful Father. Our thoughts and beliefs in Him do not change Who He is. He is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. When we are hopeless, His hope remains. When we feel unloved, His love is there. Why we are not receiving from Him is because we are seeking Him in places we want to find Him. The most profound ways that God as entered my heart and soul have been through the most simple and humble ways. I never thought that I had to prove my love for Him or that I had to be good enough for Him to answer my prayer. Always, He gives His love to me and He has answered every prayer, even when it wasn't what I wanted but it was needed. He provides us with all that we need to become His son and daughter, to become united in His love, and to strengthen our love and faith in His will.
The first way that I had fully grasped, with mind, body, and soul, that I was His daughter had come through when I accepted Mary as my mother. Mary really does magnify our Lord and His love. I don't know any other way to Jesus than through Mary. I know what my life was like without even a thought of Mary and her intercession compared to what my life is like now with Mary as my constant companion - it's two different worlds. There are times when I actually feel like I don't belong in this world, nothing in this world truly satisfies my heart and soul as Jesus does. Then I started to feel bad because I thought, 'I shouldn't be so proud to think that I don't fit into this world. God created all that is love, truth, and goodness. I shouldn't overlook any of His creation in this world.' Recently I have thought, 'I really do not belong in this world. It is not my home, but heaven is. I just pray to do what He wills in this world, for His glory and love. It's OK to feel like I don't belong, even Jesus was cast out of homes, towns, and this world.' I wrote to a friend a while ago and said, "Mary is the ultimate helicopter mom." She hovers over us every second - caring, loving, with concern for our souls, and before we could even finish a prayer, she is at work with her Son Jesus, bringing our needs to Him. Through Mary it is a life of miracles, like at the wedding at Cana, when she brought the need to Jesus, and Jesus performed a miracle. Mary doesn't have control over Jesus or her will isn't greater than His. Jesus is her will, Jesus is her everything. Her requests and intercessions never contradict the love and will of Him.
There is no other way to know what love is other than by the sacrifices that were made in order for it to endure. Jesus is the ultimate sacrifice so that His love endures in our hearts and souls. Mary shows us our love in Jesus by her "yes" to be His mother. Her yes has opened an unworthy world to receive a worthy Savior, through Mary. We are always unworthy because of our sin, but through Mary she helps us wash our soul, to purify our hearts and minds, so that we may look at Jesus with love and not shame. I know some people think that Jesus will call them when they meet a certain standard and that our Catholic Church has rules to be followed, but the truth is that Jesus loves us simply and humbly. Jesus calls us every second of the day to know Him. I just didn't magically fall in love with Jesus and my world changed. I questioned Him and I was hesitant in following Him. He never refused a question but always answered. The more Jesus answered, the more I asked, the more I knew Him, and the more I loved Him. Through Mary she has showed me that my worth to Jesus exceeds anything in this world, and that is why I choose to wash my soul, purify my heart and soul - because I am a sinful person but I am not defined by my sin, but by His love for me. There is nothing and nobody in this world that could change His love for me or change my love for Him. All the "rules" Catholics follow are not to dehumanize who we are, but reveal the love God continues to give us since Jesus walked the earth, and were given to us by Jesus. I love our Catholic Church because everything I've "followed" has increased my faith, hope, and love in God. Recently I had been struggling with an issue that I was so embarrassed by that I didn't tell anybody, and continued to try to discern on my own. I stayed up all night praying about it and at first I was feeling defeated, with a foggy mind and confused thoughts. I kept praying through the intercession of Mary and by morning I was just determined to go out and face the battle. I did ask for prayers, which ended up being a miracle. I'm still in awe of it because I was directed to call a priest who would pray with me over the phone, and the priest has charismatic gifts of discernment of spirits and deliverance. I wasted no time calling the priest and we prayed for a while, the priest even prayed in tongues, and by the time we were finished my soul was calm and at peace - and my mind was clearing with thoughts of Jesus. The priest talked to me about fallen spirits and how they retaliate, so always invoke the Precious Blood of Jesus because that is the greatest weapon. I wasted no time in praying for the protection of the Precious Blood.
Sometimes I overthink the will of God, to the point of feeling like I'm not doing what I'm supposed to and then I start feeling bad about it. Through Mary, I've learned to trust more in His will than my own. It's easy to say, "Your will be done, not mine." It's challenging in living that way, especially in the world that we live in now with all the technology that allows us into the lives of other people, and allows other people into our lives. The world is a competitive place and Satan loves it. Do you know what drives your decisions? Without even realizing it, it could be driven by fear, envy, hate, and lust even when what we do looks like we are charitable. That's Satan's favorite way to cover his works - to make it enticing. Through Mary, she has shown me how powerful His love is when it's given and received with pure intentions, not for any benefit of ourselves. If you really loved somebody, you would sacrifice for them, you want to see them happy, you want them to be healthy, you want what is best for them even if it breaks your heart - that is how God loves us. God sacrificed His Son so that we may become His daughters and sons, His will was made for us to be fulfilled with true joy, through Jesus we are given the sacraments to keep our mind, heart, and soul healthy. Mary is our mother to guide us in His will because it is a mother's love that softens and opens our hearts and souls to Him through every adversity we face. How many times have you said you forgive someone but yet still carry that feeling of betrayal with you, so that when you see the person you don't feel true joy, only a wish that you wouldn't have seen them? I've felt that way many times! Through Mary she has taught me to see Jesus in the other person, to pray for their heart, mind, and soul, and to love them even if they don't love me back. Through Mary we learn to be humble, to be patient, to be still, to accept His love and give it to others, to be pure, to have joy, to pray, to serve, and to love Jesus with all we are and all we have - because the will of our Father calls us to. Love brought us here and Love will take us home.
Thank you and God bless!
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